Every pill causes an illness

My legs ache. It started over 5 years ago, right after I started taking ‘statin’ to control cholesterol. I took it on the advice of an experienced doctor, as a preventive measure because I was over 65, had high BP, borderline high cholesterol and a family history of heart problems.

I told my doctor about the ache in my legs. It is most unusual, as it hurts on the side of the leg; I could walk long distance without any difficulty and it hurts only at rest especially before going to bed. The doctor gave me tips to manage the pain but did not mention about the side effects of the drug I am taking. I trusted the doctor as he is from a very reputed hospital. I continued to take statin for nearly a year and soaked my feet in warm water or took a pain reliever every night.

The year I went to Australia and did the base walk of Ayres Rock with my son, I also read a book in the public library on The Great Cholesterol Myth. It was so shocking. It clearly said weakness and muscle wasting are the most common side effects of statin drugs and that the effect is not reversible. I stopped taking the drug. I felt I would rather have heart attack and die and not live with pain every day.

But the weakness and the pain in my legs persisted, some nights it was more severe. I did regular brisk walking hoping to strengthen my leg muscles and at night rubbed eucalyptus oil when I couldn’t go to sleep because of the pain. Over time I felt it was getting from bad to worst. In addition to that I also had restless leg syndrome.

During summer the pain is more severe. I have a theory that because I drink more water some of the minerals, especially sodium, potassium gets washed out. So whenever possible I would drink tender coconut water and with my drink of fresh lime and water I would add a tsp. of Electral, the oral re-hydration powder. These measures did give temporary relief.

I  consulted doctors casually about it but did not take any steps to explore why I have the pain, as I could walk a distance of 5 – 10 km, or climb 700 – 800 steps without any difficulty. I did the Ayres Rock base walk, hiked 5 km up the Kottamalai hills and climbed another 300 steps to go to Venugopalaswamy temple in Padavedu, climbed 1200 steps to go to the Narasimha temple at Sholingar. Now in Coimbatore, when the weather is pleasant, at the drop of a hat, I go to the Anuvavi or Marudhamalai Murugan temples climbing 500 steps.

Couple of months ago when I registered to attend a 10-day Vipasana programme, I was worried as to how I would do the meditation sitting for 10 – 12 hours as  I could neither sit cross legged for long or sit on the chair with my legs down.

I thought, may be, I will go and have a check up in a major hospital to find out the cause, as it could be due to varicose veins or a defective valve in the blood vessel. Of course, I was told, the first thing to do is to have a scan done. The thought of the hospital merry-go-round procedure put me off.

Just then we had a visitor to the Home who talked about an acupuncture treatment he is going through to manage his diabetes and that small aches and pains can easily be treated by this therapy. I was impressed.

On an impulse, I went with him to see this specialist Uma Maheshwari. I told her when my pain started. Of course she knew it could only be due to some medicine I have had. The motto on the wall said ‘There is no pill for every ill but there is an ill for every pill’. She did not examine my leg, check the place where I have the pain or touch it to feel. She told me not to have coffee, tea and milk or white sugar, not to do brisk walking, but to walk leisurely for a short time. She held my right hand and touched the tips of my fingers very gently for a few seconds and also held my wrist as if to check my pulse for a few seconds and said I would be alright. She did not do any acupuncture or pressure, as I had expected. I was sceptical. But I followed her instructions.

I had stopped taking coffee or tea on a regular basis since I had the Ayurvedic detox treatment in December but hot milk is my comfort drink. Yet I fully stopped drinking milk and with that the little sugar I was having too. Not going for morning walk and for my morning milk to the dining room at 6 a.m., allowed me more time to exercise. Within two days I felt my legs aren’t so restless and didn’t hurt much.  For good measure I went for another sitting with the Doc before leaving for Vipasana.

But sitting for long period wasn’t that easy. The first couple of days during meditation my legs hurt so much to sit continuously. Every 20 minutes or so, I would shift, change position and massage my legs. It was very painful. Every hour we were allowed get up to stretch our legs. I would walk for 5 minutes. By the 5^th or 6^th day the pain was not so severe. I was able to go through the entire 10-day programme.

I went to thank Uma for her service. She wanted me to continue with the treatment and said I should gradually stop taking any pill, first stop taking any vitamin supplement and then even BP medicine and thyroxin. Since I do eat nutritious food with plenty of fruits and vegetable, I could stop taking vitamins. This month I did not buy any. But I am not yet very sure I could stop the medicines. I plan to take them on alternate days and then try to reduce the dosage. I would do it very cautiously.  

Last night when I was chatting with my daughter-in-law she said she has restless leg syndrome. I said I have it too, but then I it dawned on me that I do not have it anymore.

Imagine the worst

I am used to shopping for all my ready-made garment needs in Bombay. It has been a habit cultivated from the days of my living abroad.  Though occasionally I used to get few blouses stitched in the city I lived in, during the period of living in Ranipet I have always waited for my trip to Bombay to get my blouses stitched from the same tailor of many years. Though the tailoring charge progressively, steeply increased in Mumbai, I didn’t want to take any chances with a new tailor.

Even after I came to Coimbatore I have continued with that practise until this month when I visited Naidu Hall, a well-know, reputed shop specialising in lady’s garments. I felt I could experiment.  Though the cost of living is higher in Coimbatore in quite a few areas I found the tailoring charges were 40% lower.  I was tempted.

Recently I bought a few sarees and also received few as gifts, which came with matching blouses. I took five of those blouse pieces with a sample blouse to the Naidu Hall. I was impressed with the tailor and handed them all over to him with very few instructions.

Like any tailor he did not deliver on the day he mentioned. I had to go couple of more times. Living so far away from the city it was not easy. Still as I was not in a hurry, I did not get overly anxious. At last after couple weeks I collected the blouses. They looked well made.

But the next day when I tried it on it was too tight, like it was half a size smaller. Lately I have been finding loose fitting more comfortable. I was frustrated. The blouse was not even stitched in the style of the  sample blouse provided where the sleeves are attached to the body first and then the side seam is done in one single straight line which makes it easier to let out a seam if needed  when the material shrinks or when I put on a little weight.  I know to alter the blouses would involve considerable work.

I was agitated. I was blaming myself for taking this chance with a new tailor and giving all 5 blouses at the same time instead of trying out with one to start with. I felt I should have pointed out the style of putting the pieces together, I should have emphasised the need to make it slightly larger to give allowance to the shrinkage of the cotton material. But then I trusted the tailor knows all that.

I will not be able wear those blouses unless I reduced at least by 5 kgs. I don’t even know anybody of my size to whom I could give them to. I felt the good materials have been wasted and on top of it I have paid the tailoring charges. I felt miserable.

I felt the tailor would defend himself, put the blame on me, or show his displeasure at having to do quite a bit of rework and  even if agreed to do it would do a shoddy work. I imagined the worst and spend couple of sleepless nights.

Again a week after I had some work to do in town. I took the blouses and went to see the tailor. I told him the problem, showed him the way the blouse has been stitched as compared to the sample blouse. He accepted, understood and agreed to work on altering the blouses, make it the way I wanted and deliver it at my place in two days time.

I was taken aback. There was no accusation, no need to defend oneself, just plain acceptance of the facts. I can honestly say I have never come across another person like this or remember to have experienced another situation like this. I was so pleased.

When I came back home I shared my joy with my friend Lakshmi Rajappa. She heard me out, with a look that said 'how naïve can you be?'.

Four days later Lakshmi asked if the tailor has delivered the blouses. When I said no, she didn’t say anything further to mean ‘I rest my case’. The tailor didn’t come the Sunday after as he called and informed or the week after one day, when he rang up to say he is coming in the evening.

The strange part of it all is that it didn’t bother me at all. I felt he would have some genuine reason why he couldn’t come. I didn’t even ask. He has impressed me so much by his acceptance that not delivering as promised seemed very insignificant.

Today I asked Prakash, my cab driver, to pick it up from the shop. The blouses are altered as per my instructions and fits well. I am so happy.

Thank you God

The year 2012 has been a wonderful year – very relaxed and peaceful. I slipped into my new way of life so comfortably almost effortlessly. Did quite a lot of travelling, so many short trips. Made few trips to Mumbai and Chennai to attend functions, weddings and other events; attended Mannargudi Garudasevai in March, made a trip to Ooty with Maheshwary just to experience the ride in the mountain train; went to Rameshwaram with Ramraj and family.

Friends and family members visited me at frequent intervals; made many new friends from all avenues – residents of our Home, patients from Ayurveda Hospital (from India and abroad), from visit to the shopping centers and temples and among the rural people in the neighbourhood.

My friend Dhanam introduced me to her friend The Reddys whose house has become my home away from home. I consider myself lucky to have made friends among my fellow residents, like Kanchana, Pudhukotai Lakshmi, Shantharam and Lakshmi Rajappa, who have been such a source of joy and inspiration for me. I have Mathaji of Vidya Peetam from across the road, somebody I can always approach for sharing my thoughts on any subject. I have made friends with people like Maria Galagan from USA and Geetha Varma through my contact with the Ayurveda Hospital. I feel at home having coffee with Manikkam, a rural woman in our neighbourhood. I feel safe having a taxi driver on call like Prakash, to pick me up at any time of day or night, who also serves as my guide and resource person for various needs.

I saw only two movies in the theater in Coimbatore the whole of last year, both Hindi movies – Barfi and English Vinglish. I saw ‘Life of Pi’ in Mumbai. Liked them all very much. 

I read quite a few books during the year, but most of them were rereads. Among them were Bill Bryson’s The Lost Continent, Erma Bombeck’s Family, Harper Lee’s To kill  a mocking bird, Paulo Coelho’s Alchemist, Hemingway’s Old man and the sea. I also read a Jayakanthan’s Tamil novel of the 60’s. Each one I enjoyed fresh. Read a few self-help books, Vedanta books and lots of magazines too. 

I have downloaded a number of Sanskrit slokas (and also the lyrics) I am familiar with / learnt in my childhood / taught by my grandfather. I enjoy listening to them and chanting along. I have also downloaded a few popular carnatic devotional songs by famous artists and identified links to listen to religious discourses. I enjoy listening to them any time of the day. These activities keep me motivated and engaged.

The last month of the year has been exceptional. I went through a 14-day Ayurvedic detox programme, which I have wanted to do for over 25 years. It was a luxury I indulged in. it was fun and satisfying. I came out fit and healthy.

The last programme of the year was the grand finale - a holiday at Wayanad with Ramraj and his friends with their families. I travelled from Coimbatore to Mysore by bus and joined Ramraj and group at Mysore for the journey to Wayanad. It was an amazing holiday. Interacting with people 30 years younger than me, revealed to me who I am and what I am capable of doing. I enjoyed every bit of it. I congratulate myself for taking the risk to go out with so many total strangers.

I usually say I am lucky to have such a wonderful year. But now after having been exposed to so many Vedanta lessons by Lakshmi Rajappa and Mathaji, I feel God has been extremely kind to me. I have never asked him for any favours. I have never even imagined that I would one day be enjoying a lifestyle like this. My total acceptance of whatever He has in store for me has given me the best life I could never have thought of on my own.

Thank you God.

A Sunday morning expedition

06.01.2013

Last night I went out with my friend Lakshmi to do various things. We also did some shopping at Reliance super market. I bought a few things for other residents in our Home. While sorting things out this morning I found the ½ litre of sesame oil priced at Rs. 127. I felt it was too high. The last time I bought, I remember it to be something just over Rs.80. I checked the MRP price in the pack and it said Rs.119. The price could have gone up since then but I couldn’t accept Reliance charging me over the MRP. I checked the price of all the other items and found they were all charged at the MRP. And at the end of the totaling it had a ‘savings at this purchase’ as Rs.10. I couldn’t understand where that savings came from when I have been over charged. My friend Lakshmi too had bought the same item and she too has been charged the same, and over and above that in her package the banana she bought wasn’t there and she was billed for that. I got her bill and the packet of oil too.

I decided to go over and complain. The day was good with overcast sky and cool. After breakfast and after hanging out the clothes to dry, I walked towards the bus stop to catch the 9 a.m. bus to town. It is a half a km. walk to the bus stop. Half way down my taxi driver Prakash, who happened to be there on a different assignment, pulled up and gave me a ride to the bus stop. So, I was a bit early at the bus stop, but as luck would have it the bus too came 5 minutes early. I got a window seat. Everything worked just so.

Got off at my destination and walked towards the shop. It was still pretty early in the day and being Sunday not many shops were open. I bought a magazine at the roadside shop. At Reliance at met the Manager just near the entrance and explained to him that I have come to return the items as I have been over charged for it. He said it is the system fault and they get the programme from Bombay. He was willing to take back and if I wanted I could buy something in exchange. I refused to buy anything else and asked for refund. He offered the bananas, but as they were over-ripe I refused that too. And he had no explanation for the ‘savings’ I have had in choosing to buy in that shop. I told him to complain to the management with copy to me.

I still had to buy the oil for Leela mami. I went further looking for a local grocery store. I found an excellent one – Bharath stores. The shop was chock-a-block full of things, well stacked and brightly lit. I was impressed. 

While waiting to be served, I found some items of purchase on the counter and noticed the Munchies’ Lemon Puff cookies, my favourite Sri Lankan cookie. Just then I saw the young man standing next to it waiting to get the bill made. I started the conversation with him with the cookies being my favourite too, introduced ourselves and carried on talking as if we knew each other longer than just the few minutes. It was so very comfortable. He gave me his business card and I promised to keep in touch. 

As I walked back towards the bus stop, I didn’t resist the temptation to stop at the ice cream parlour and indulge myself to have a scoop of ‘fig and honey’ ice cream, with honey and roasted almond topping. I had to wait for nearly half an hour for my bus but it didn’t bother me in any way as it was still pretty early in the day. 

Travelling by bus, I was happily lost in thoughts of all the happenings of the morning. My interaction with the young man reminded me of my own sons living so far away and I missed them very much which brought tears into my eyes. But that too made me feel happy as I was being in touch with my own emotions which I usually suppress or negate.

And surprise surprise, as I got off at the Mangarai bus stop my taxi driver Prakash was there with his jeep ready to pick me up and drop me at my Home. He was on the lookout for me on his way to his home and just guessed I may be coming back by that bus at that time.

What was the purpose of my morning expedition? 

To complain about being over-charged Rs. 8, I spent Rs.22 for the bus and 3 hours of my time. Was it worth it?  

May be not if I think very rationally. But all the other things that happened along the way made it so worthwhile. 

I shared my happiness with my friend, fellow resident Shantharam, who has such an endearing way of ‘envying’ me my good luck with honest, heartfelt good wishes, and blessings. It made my day.

The answer is in the air

We have a variety of flowering plants, shrubs and creepers in the grounds of our Home.  Some are so rare I haven’t seen the likes of it before. It is so good to go around the garden early in the morning with dew still on the grass and fog obscuring the mountain range completely and picking flowers enjoying the riot of colours in the sky and in the ground. The activity by itself is so satisfying. Sometimes I pick flowers of one colour, one type, sometimes of another.

I use these flowers to decorate my Krishna idol in the alcove in my front porch and the altar I have on the top shelf of my book rack with a picture and idol of Krishna, and other Goddesses, and an idol of Ganesha.  I enjoy arranging the flowers aesthetically around these, so meticulously, adding freshness everyday to the decor in the room.

Only recently I came across a delicate, pretty colourful flower with a very pleasant fragrance in a creeper. It surprised me that it has escaped my attention, even though it is in the area where I usually pick flowers from other creepers.

Then I realised that the flower blooms a bit later than my usual time in the garden. One morning I picked a bud and placed it in a bowl of water, but it did not open up. It dawned on me that the flower blooms only in the plant after getting enough warmth from the sun. I was told it is called Krishna Kamalam (Sanskrit for lotus). Being blue in colour it is associated with Krishna.

Couple of weeks ago I was at the banyan tree I go to worship on Saturdays. A devotee had come there with all the articles required to do a special pooja. I watched him do the elaborate preparations. Among the flowers he had there were two big lotus buds. As I watched him peel the petals one by one to open up the bud into a flower, it struck me that the lotus flower if plucked from its stem does not bloom and my mind connected it up with the Krishna kamalam. Though of different genre, the similarity in the name and its characteristics flashed. It was an awesome moment.

I realised that every knowledge is out there and when we least expect it the mind makes the connection spontaneously.

Discovering my self

When you reject all authority, something false which you have been carrying about with you for generations, you have more energy, more capacity, more drive, greater intensity and vitality.

When you have thrown it off and have this energy in which there is no fear at all- no fear of making a mistake, no fear of doing right or wrong, when there is this energy which comes from throwing off every form of fear, that energy itself produces the radical inward revolution. To be left with yourself is the actual state for a man to be. You are no longer looking to anybody or anything for help; you are free to discover for yourself.

And when there is freedom it can never do anything wrong. There is no such thing as doing right or wrong when there is freedom. You are free and from that centre you act. And hence there is no fear. A mind that has no fear is capable of great love. And when there is love it can do what it will.

J.Krishnamurthy (Freedom from the known)

It is exactly one year since I moved to Aarogya Kudumbam. I have grown tremendously in this one year. I can honestly say I am contented and at peace with myself. I am disciplined, yet lead a care-free life. I am happy and feel alive. I appreciate and accept myself. 

Even when I go on trips I am so eager to get back home, that I make the trip as short as possible. What is so great about living here? How living here has helped me grow and evolve?

I have my space, I have my privacy.

I have only what I need and use. All the things are in their places. I can find what I want even in the dark.

I have enough people to interact with. I do not judge them by their personality, appearance, background or interest. Their varied background has made me appreciate and learn diverse cultures. I am more tolerant.

People are polite enough to say only the good things about each other. Everybody shows enough interest in me, and do their best to be friendly with me.

They do not advise me, or even if they do, they don’t get offended when I don’t follow them.

Nobody has any authority over others. Being senior citizens we all believe others are matured enough to take care of themselves and that they know what is right and wrong. This helps us to accept people the way they are. Of course they believe I know how to take care of myself and lead my life.

We all put our best foot forward. In spite of the fact that we are all old and retired everybody takes care of their personal grooming and present themselves well. That motivates me to dress-up every day.

But I don’t have to be overly cautious or shrink / blow up my personality to suit others or to impress them. I feel accepted for who I am and that boosts my self confidence.

Everybody knows when I go to sleep, when and where I go out, what I eat, which TV programme I watch, yet it is no concern of others.

Just watching others in close quarters day in and day out provides us with all the inputs needed to understand each other.

I and everything – people, situations, nature and environment - around me seems to be in perfect harmony.

I accept differences of opinions. I am able to handle and resolve easily any small friction or conflict that arises occasionally. I do not let it affect me or break the relationship.

In the common room sharing the newspaper or the remote of the TV has never been a problem. I watch whatever a person is already watching. Others voluntarily offer the remote to me.

We do things together, not everybody together. Two are three people are able to form small groups to go shopping, visit temples, play golf or discuss the happenings around the world. There is no compulsion that everybody should participate in every activity. A ‘No’ to join in is not meant or taken as a rejection.

If only everybody had this kind of comfort level living with their own family, in their own homes wouldn’t life be great?

I got it

I have often felt that other people have found their faith, the path to follow and the guru to guide them. In that belief I have felt lost not knowing what or whom to follow or how to worship. And I have been searching for the right approach. 

Today I had a revelation that even though I do not know or have identified the path to follow, some higher power has always been guiding me in the right direction all my life. Only last week I read somewhere that the best way to pray to God is to ask him to show you the right path. I got it.