Real / new me

Real / new me - I have been in a dilemma for quite sometime now, unable to make a decision. The issue is not life threatening, or something that would make a huge difference to my way of life. It will not affect anybody else. It is just a practice I have been following. I got into it without any great debate. It is an image of myself I have projected for nearly 20 years. Yet, it is not a lie; I didn’t cheat anybody. It is the image I felt comfortable with, that made me feel I care for myself. It is one of the habits like wearing fresh-clean-starched-ironed cotton saree that I would find difficult to get out of.

My sister Indira once told me that for her it took the same type of courage as to visit strange countries by herself.

I have decided to give up this practice while being away from home among strangers. Getting used to my own image, hopefully, will help me to face my family and friends' raised eyebrows when I meet them.

Express Positively

Express positively -I am fine, I appreciate that, I am happy, I am satisfied, That is good, Thank you – these are some of the phrases used to express our positive feelings. But very often I hear people using terms like – Not bad, No problem, No worries, I am not complaining etc. to mean the same thing. Lately I have been finding these expressions unacceptable. In this case I feel two negatives do not bring out the positive meaning but only makes it 2 x Negative.

I have been conscious of this aspect in my communication and correct myself if I use a similar phrase to say something positive.

One Friday morning while walking into the Company I heard the song ‘Kurai ondrum illai’ (குறை ஒன்றும் இல்லை) by M.S.Subbalakshmi being played at our Assembly Point. It is one of my favourite songs - wonderful lyrics with a powerful tune. At one time I even tried to learn to sing this song. It says ‘I have no complaints when you are there to provide me with every thing I need’. But that day it struck me as not a good way to start the day - with a compound word with two negatives – kurai + illai.

'Mahanadhi' Shobana sang this song at the wedding I attended in Washington. Again I felt it is not the appropriate way to say Thank you God. I wanted to tell her, but refrained as I didn’t want to negate her beautiful rendering of that song.

The 'Butterfly Effect'

My brother Sridhar has talked about his friend Dr.Ramanathan. I didn’t know anything about his family background. But when his son Rakesh’s wedding was scheduled to be held on Sept. 5th 2010 in Washington, my trip to US came to be part of it. I wasn’t even directly invited for the wedding.

I can only think of it as a variation of the ‘butterfly effect’ - seemingly unconnected event causing a significant impact in my life.

Sridhar taking care of the flight bookings, the major portion of our travel plan, made it comfortable for me to handle the rest of the preparation. Of course, having a valid US visa was a great help. I got myself an entirely new wardrobe for the trip.

The journey though long, was perfect - the company, the movies i watched, the food and all.

The wedding was held in Sheraton Hotel. It was a fusion of North Indian and South Indian, Eastern and Western culture, Christian and Hindu rituals and practises. Had a Baraath (maapillai azhaipu), the entire religious rites of a South Indian Hindu marriage; the bride and the groom were walked down the isle (like in a church wedding) to the dais by one of their parents, the couple read out their wedding vows etc. The guests were given printed programmes to follow and understand the proceedings. The priests were dressed traditionally but suited to the place and venue. There was a symbolic fire. Every ceremony was conducted in an abridged / condensed version to do justice, but to fit into an agreed upon time schedule of just two hours. It was a perfectly planned wedding. I enjoyed it thoroughly.

The highlight for me personally was -

A girl sang a oonjal song in such a silky-smooth, honey-dipped voice that made me sit up. It touched a cord somewhere that reminded me of 'Mahanadhi' Shobana - though this girl didn’t look like the girl I had seen on TV, dressed in a traditional manner appropriate for carnatic music performance. I admired her looks, her stage presence, her singing style and the joy and bubbling happiness she created inside me.

After the ceremony I went to meet her to congratulate and express my appreciation. I asked her whether she was 'Mahanadi' Shobana. She said ‘yes’. I told her she is one of my favourite persons, asked her if I could have a hug and hugged her without waiting for a reply.

That felt great.