Live in the moment

The question people asked me when they heard I am retiring is, “What would you be doing?”
The answer was, “I have no idea”, and couple of months after my retirement the answer is still the same. I am too busy learning to live a new way of life; no time to ponder over ‘what would I do’.

I also decided to move into a retirement home. I am the first person in our family to do that. It is not the done thing even in the circle I move. People wonder what is the matter with her. Some people even felt sad for me and felt they have to console me. Why poor Jaya is moving to an old people’s home in an unfamiliar city, where she knows nobody? What would she do if she gets sick, with no family around to look after her?

It is my conscious choice. About six months ago when I came across a place I would like to live in I made the decision on the spot without even questioning what I am getting myself into. I have plunged into it with an open mind and almost a fearless innocence of a child.

Today it is exactly one month since I moved into a retirement home. I enjoy and love every aspect of my new phase of life. I do not dwell on the past or dream of happiness somewhere else or worry about an unknown future. Infact even the immediate past seem a lifetime away. I feel I have come home. I feel safe and comfortably taken care of.

Couple of days ago, in the early morning, looking at the thickly wooded mountains surrounding me on three sides, I felt that these thousands of years old mountains knew all along that I would be coming here at this time, after completing all that I had to do and experience in my life.
I wake up each morning knowing fully well that I and I alone is responsible for my happiness and well-being and to make my day more meaningful. I feel I am the lucky one who could do this, be happy and enjoy life to the fullest.

I do some of my regular activities with more vigour and enthusiasm – getting up as usual at 4.30 a.m. – meditating longer and going for my morning walk, proudly dressed in salwar-kameez and sneakers.

I have given up some of my old habits – like listening to religious discourses in the morning on TV, as it didn’t fit in with my schedule here. I would much rather spend more time outside, picking parijatham flowers from the garden and looking at the early morning red sky in the east and the low hanging clouds over the mountains.

I have been doing so many things for the first time. I am bold enough to take a bus to the city, do not mind even if I have to stand all the way. I have been exploring my neighbourhood and getting to know all kinds of people. The type of people I interact with or the activities I indulge in are not exactly what I am used to. But then I didn’t come here to continue with what I have been doing. I am open to any new experience. But I am still time bound, systematic and disciplined.

I am flexible. I make use of / enjoy / take advantage of the facilities / opportunities available or that presents itself. The experience and knowledge I have gained over the years helps me to deal with people and situations with utmost confidence that it surprises me.

Sitting in my front porch after dark, listening to the silence, I feel at peace - nothing to achieve, no need to prove anything, nobody to compete with – just have to only be.