My look alike

My look alike

At the family get-together we had last Sunday, Ramya had arranged for an interesting programme. She had invited three young artists to do pencil sketch portrait of family members. In groups of three, people were getting their portraits done. After it was done they showed them around. The children were thrilled of course. They had no expectations from the event or no fear of the outcome.

The adults viewed it differently. Some were happy the way they had been portrayed young looking, few were disappointed when they came out with their features distorted so badly.

I noticed that most of these portraits had at least some resemblance to the actual person, even though some were most uncomplimentary. What surprised me was the way some people accepted their portrait as their true self even though they didn’t have that close a resemblance.

When it was my turn, I went to have my portrait done with some trepidation. I am often reluctant to pose for photographs during weddings and avoid being in somebody’s wedding album permanently, as I feel I don’t turn out that good / I am not photogenic. (I believe that the feeling ‘I don’t turn out good’ and the belief that ‘I am not photogenic’ are very closely related). Sometimes in photos when I look harsh, gaunt, witchy, stern, angry or bitter, I don’t like it all. I like the photos in which I look soft, at peace with myself, kind and serene. Those are only a few.
I have saved only those photos in which I feel I look good (like my profile photo). When I feel I look good in a picture, it means it matches the image of myself I have in my head.

Every day when I look in the mirror at least a couple of times, sometimes I am happy about the way I look, sometimes not at all, but I really can’t visualize how I really look.

Sitting down to pose for the artist to do my portrait I was very conscious of this aspect of myself. I tried to compose myself, and have only positive thoughts flow into my mind. I thought of happy events, and experiences. I let happiness bubble in me thinking about people with whom I have had good times. I smiled thinking of some funny events while looking straight at the artist.

During the entire process which took about 15 minutes, I had my attention focused on how I present myself to the artist. When I thought the artist was sketching my eyes I tried to make it kind and when I thought he was doing my mouth I let a faint smile creep into my lips. And all the time I was sitting well composed the way I have seen ‘ladies’ pose for paintings.

At last when the artist finished and presented the portrait to me I felt so happy looking at myself. It had all the features I wanted in my portrait. When I proudly showed it around, people didn’t think it looked anything like me, except Indira who said it looks like my maternal grandmother. Long time ago Indira had seen a photo of my grandmother in my uncle’s house and commented that I look like her except that she looks more serene.

What does this experience reveal? The face is really a mirror of the mind. அகத்தின் அழகு முகத்தில் தெரியும். When I have the positive thoughts, my face reflects it so beautifully.
I plan to have this portrait placed in a place where I can look at it everyday to compose myself.