A questioning mind

A questioning mind

What is the purpose of having my own Blog? Is it my diary? Am I going to write everything about me in this? Then would I still like to share it with others? What is the purpose of sharing it with others?

Is this to document what I like, what makes me happy and what affects me deeply? Would it help me to identify the real me?

Who am I? Is it what I think I am, what I project as me – some consciously some subconsciously? Does it really get conveyed to others? Do people see what I perceive as my strength as my weakness and vise-versa? Do people accept the image of me as I project? Do they judge me by what I say and project? Is it really necessary for me to know how people perceive me? Would it help me to love myself?

Is what I express in my writing an outward symptom of who I am? By being aware of it would I be able to understand the real me?

Why did I go to the Vipasana programme? Was it just out of curiosity to find out what it can do for me? Did I expect some kind of miracle? Was it to find out who I am? When I filled out in the form the ‘purpose of doing the course’ as “to find peace and harmony within”, was my response just routine?

At the end of the programme when asked about my experience and I said it as ‘I am OK, you are OK’, did it come out from nowhere? How did I get the awareness that ‘I am OK’ after the Vipasana even though I didn’t work towards it? Is it that all of a sudden I understood that I am not unique in my confusion and conflict and this is how others are too and we all have our own system of handling it?

Why did I feel ‘I am not OK and you are OK’ before? Is it because I felt I didn’t have all of what was pointed out as good qualities in so many others? Do I give the same kind of feeling to others?

The discipline I follow and the control I exercise on myself is it to prove to myself what I can do, capable of? Or do I practise it to build up my strengths, because I believe those are the great norms that are held in high esteem?

Have I always been deeply aware of what is going on in my mind? Has it been intensified now by meditation? Why do I feel I have to write it down? Does it bring clarity to the feeling of who I am? Then why do I have to share it with others? What purpose does it serve? Is it just to display my writing style and skill? Is it to get approval of others for my way of thinking and feeling? Do I want or expect any feedback? Am I worried that an argument to the contrary would shake the foundation of my belief?

Do I want to preserve what I have written? Am I worried that not being a hard copy it would just get lost in the cyber space and just get mixed up with all the other untold truths? Does it matter?

Are these questions or am I answering myself? By sharing this am I doing a service to people who may go through the same thinking process, as I was to realize ‘I am OK’?

From today’s Daily Guru

Don't think away your feelings "When emotions are managed by the heart, they heighten your awareness of the world around you and add sparkle to life. The result is new intelligence and a new view of life." -- Doc Childre and Howard Martin

"Learning to be aware of feelings, how they arise and how to use them creatively so they guide us to happiness, is an essential lifetime skill." -- Joan Borysenkohe